Cover World Cup for us

by NFL Adam

2006/06/06 at 3:40 pm

For starters, we have hired a guy to cover World Cup for us. By hiring, that means giving him a few Miller High Life 12ers.

But it would be pointless to say that soccer sucks any other time than the World Cup. Martha Burke picketed Augusta’s lack of women during the Masters because any other time would have been silly. So this is a perfect opportunity to let the rest of the world know that we aren’t much into this thing.

Also, I interact with a lot of Euros and they are constantly harping about how great soccer is. There is no other sport in the world that tries to push it down our throats like soccer. Eventually, hockey got wise and just limped to the OLN were it belonged. But soccer fans continue to harp on how much we should appreciate the sport. We get it, you like soccer, can you just let us ignore it in peace? We know, we know, it makes us bad sports fans. But only soccer fans take it so personally when somebody doesn’t like their sport.

Besides, baseball gets the biggest rap for being boring, out of date, etc. But our feeling is, if you don’t like it, that means a shorter beer line for us. In fact, if less of you liked baseball I would be the better off for it.

That all being said, you will find no bigger fan of the US Soccer team than us. The sooner the U.S. wins this thing, the sooner soccer will disappear for ever as the rest of the world finds another sport for us to ignore (here’s a hint—water polo). In fact, we feel so strongly about this, we want to take the U.S.’s greatest athletes (Mike Vick, LeBron James, LaDainian Tomlinson, et al) and have them train for four years for the 2010 World Cup. At that time, we will unleash them on the world, so embarrassing them, nobody will ever want to play it again.

So go USers!